I haven't written in here in awhile. I think its because its been awhile since I've had something to say, and no one to say it to.

I want to say I don't think I can do this. I want to say it because the alternative is saying that this really really sucks but that I have no choice and I just have to shut up and suck it up. And that somehow sounds less decisive and independant.

I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed with him for going away. I hate that I have to wait for him to call, that it's not on my terms. I'm supremely irritated that he refused to ask his brother ahead of time if I could come visit, and that the money I would have oh so willingly spent on a plane ticket is now gone, blown on a weekend in Toronto, designed to make me feel better about his leaving. I'm mad that he's off doing what he loves and having a blast, while I'm here watching TV and waiting for his daily 3 minute call. As if that is really going to satisfy me. If anything, it only annoys me more. How many times have I told myself that I wouldn't do this again? Sitting at home waiting for a guy to call. Judging my worth by how much he loves me. He's sweet, and amazing, and I do love him. Only at the moment, I just want to be single.