Friendships

On Friendship

Everyone has friends right? People they spend time with. People to laugh and have fun with. People to go out with and talk to. I've always had some people like that. But I never really felt like part of the group. They were always closer friends with each other than with me. Through most of my life I had one true friend, who might get caught up with someone else from time to time, but who always came back to me. For the better part of 17 years I called her my best friend, because everyone has a best friend, right? But we drifted apart and changed, and I don't quite like the person she's become. But I must have had other friends, right? For 2 years my boyfriends were my best friends. They were my life. Their friends became my friends. When I was finally dumped I was left there completely lost, in my grade 12 year. I had no best friend. In fact, I barely had any friends. And so I put myself out there. I made new friends, who eventually grew into good friends. And for awhile I thought I was in the best position I could be in.


On Complicated Friendships

It should be said that most of my new friends were male. I had no problem with this, as a general rule I prefer spending time with guys. Come to think of it, it probably has something to do with my boyfriends being my best friends. But nothing every stays simple. It seems that two members of the opposite sex can't just be friends. The dynamic of the group has changed slightly in the last few months and no one is quite as comfortable now as they were before.

On New Friends and Best Friends

Now to the real reason of this post. One person I became closer to recently is a new friend. I've known her for awhile but I've never really known what a gem I've been missing. I can be stupid and silly around her one minute and serious the next and she follows everything. I feel like she really gets me, and I could tell her anything (I often do) and she wouldn't judge. She always has some kind of answer, even if it's only a suggestion or opinion. I can bounce ideas off of her and feel like I'm being intellectually challenged, a hard thing to come across in a friend. I never grow tired of talking to her and I can sit down and have a really good laugh with her. She writes a lot, like I do, and she lets me read some of it. Some of it makes me want to cry and some of it makes me want to laugh because I see so much of myself in her. What I want more than anything is for her to trust me entirely. For her to know that I'm here for her, whenever she needs me, for whatever reason. I would gladly stay up all night with her talking about absolutely nothing, or spend a night consoling her about anything. I've been calling her my best friend in my head for awhile now, but for whatever reason I haven't said it out loud yet. I have some irrational fear that by telling her I'll somehow scare off someone important to me. But there it is, I think she's my best friend, and there's no one I'd rather be better friends with than her.

-Este